Story of I Shall Behold Him song

I started writing ‘I Shall Behold Him’ as I was studying the role that God has to play in our sanctification and the role that we play in surrendering to Him and in fighting battles of faith on our knees to subdue self and pride and obtain the victory. At the beginning of writing this song, I spent a long time studying what my part to play was, because as human beings we tend to excuse our sin and to take less responsibility than is really ours. I knew God had been faithful to do His part, even to the point of laying down His own life for my sake. He humbled Himself left  the perfect peace and joy of heaven to became a man, unrecognized, people doubted His divinity and refused to love and worship Him, He resisted the daily and hourly temptations of Satan, was in all points tempted like as we are, so it was very thorough, even involving extreme temptations like when He was hungry and Satan tempted Him to make the stones into bread, and when Satan offered Him the whole world without ever having to go to the cross (a lie as worshipping Satan would have caused Jesus to lose the war, but it was a very tempting lie as it seemed to offer a way out without enduring the horror of bearing all the sins of repentant humanity on His shoulders on the cross). Then having achieved full victory, He died on the cross shut out from Hs Father under the wrath of God unmixed with mercy for our sakes. Yes, He had been faithful and God had done His part with perfection.

But as human beings we tend to downplay our role and excuse our sins, and do less than God requires of us, so I spent a good long time coming to Christ every day in prayer (and reading the scriptures) to ask the true state of my heart in the sight of a holy God, and ask Him to reveal to me what needed to be changed in me, then I surrendered those things in prayer and worked with Him through the day s and weeks and months to change. 

My first lyrics reflected my focus on what my part to play in the sanctification was. They read “I’ve suffered many pains and I’ve cried many tears, each trial was a rung on the ladder. God hewed my dross away; I parted with many tears that I might be prepared to stand before Him.” “I faced Satan’s countless lies, that masked God’s goodness from my eyes. Yet even through the dark I proved God’s Word. Through the obscurity and through the pain, I live only to vindicate His Name; this is my life’s purpose and my highest work.” They didn’t seem quite right. But they didn’t seem wrong either. Just incomplete. This seemed to be the right thing to focus on for a time. As time went on, and I was satisfied after months of seeking God and facing who I really was in His sight and how I needed to change, and working on those changes that I had done my part to the best of my ability, I worked on the song lyrics again and added what Christ has done for me to the lyrics. I found I was able to find the balance of His role and mine, and tears came to my eyes as I realized through my Bible study God had answered my prayer and taught me how to work with God, and that I was able to write this song because I had the lived experience of working together with Christ on an eternal work of priceless value and great objective meaning. These songs God is putting in our hearts are the testimony of a changed heart and a changed life and it’s more than music; it’s a living witness.  And only the one who has lived this witness can sing the tune. The lyrics now read “I’ve suffered many pains, and I’ve cried many tears. I endured these things for the One who gave all for me. For my sake He lived a perfect life, then offered Himself a spotless sacrifice, now I will live out His victory in me.” And The second verse went “I’ve faced Satan’s countless lies, that masked God’s goodness from my eyes. Christ’s faithfulness kept me faithful all along life’s way. His precious blood has made me clean, His gentleness has made me great, and His victory became my victory!”

After achieving the proper emphasis of Jesus’ part and mine, I noticed another shift. Having done all that I can up to this point (of course I must be faithful and continue the work of sanctification day-by-day), I was then able to shift the focus completely back onto Christ. Well as much as an imperfect person in this stage of development can. But I was ready to shift the focus back to God and who He is and what His work is. The marks of His divinity. The fact that this war is much bigger than me. Once I’ve played my part, my part doesn’t continue. I’m not more than human, I’m just human. But my part is required of me and it’s required of us all and we must be found faithful. The focus is on Christ. It is a revealing of the character of God. God answers all questions, and is the answer to all questions, and He is worthy of worship. It is His due and His right. And His divinity needs to be studied and understood and given the throne. A right no person should ever desire for themselves or try to obtain. Yet we live in a world where people believe it’s normal for people to worship other people, and false gods. This ought not to be. This issue of who is to be worshipped is an eternal question, and it has an answer: God, and God alone. I’m studying now how to take self out of the equation, out of anything that pertains to God, and to see myself as only human. Let the praise and the glory go fully and completely to the One for whom it belongs. I am planning my funeral. The funeral of the self. And after I have given all I can to God and done my duty as His witness, my work is to die fully to self and let the glory of the Lord shine. As the Bible says “The Lord alone will be exalted on that day.”